Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Talking to Girls in the New Age

While sipping my bedtime tea, I sat on the porch to ponder over my day.
Thinking of the day, and how much I actually accomplished rather than the
Amount I set the goal for. The thought came to me that
Life events take significantly longer than we expect.
School, dating, marriage, employment, even death sometimes.
Our world is all about patiences;
It loves to give us inhabitants experience with waiting patiently.
Some don't take kindly to it, and expect all parts of life to come up as instantly
As a high speed internet browser that wont crap out even on the windiest of days.
Others learn the importance of patience being a virtue,
Instructing them on the beauty of waiting, for it gives them time to
Reflect on life and smell some sweet roses.
Yet others solely look at patience as a necessary evil,
Knowing they must wait, but still cannot focus on the here and now,
Always the next step of what is coming.

Act, stop, Reflect, prepare, act again.
The cycle of healthy thinking.

Do it or don't do it, but make sure you know why you are doing either one (it becomes part of your ID).

Thursday, October 30, 2014

I'm Done

There is nothing more to do.
I have torched the bridges between us all completely.
Nothing left to say. Nothing left to do.
Just take one last look while I ash my cigar, letting them fall on the ashes of the charred wood,
And keep moving my feet in a forward direction (choose carefully).
The obliteration complete,
The once flourishing green meadow is now brown and burnt,
Void of all life.

This is what I leave behind to the world.
This is my legacy.
Pain, suffering, hatred of my being,
All above are the strongest aspects of my identity.
All who have crossed paths with myself feel this given to them.

Love? Not here. Just a warm pistol of hatred and loathing.

There is still hope though, isn't there?

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Her

She led me to insanity.
At least that what I say to justify my actions.
No woman truly has made me act in this manner, which makes think
That she is still the perfect girl for me.
But I can't forget that I'm still young and naive,
A child at heart.
And I still don't know several aspects of my identity.

She made me insane and I can't shake it.
How do I repair this? Is repair even possible?
What will I need to forget her totally?
Run Away?!
Always on the side of flight my mind is.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

A Piece of Prose Poetry About Life

Life is constantly full of transitions, periods of change.
We need to embrace them, and not reject them.
Being a species of evolution, consistency and stable sameness should not be our goal.
We need to move on to our next phase and period of our ever-changing lifestyle and culture.
Warning: Do not just sit and be sedentary--that leads to disease and early termination.
That is not what I, nor anyone should, desire.

The cruel joke of life is that one day you cannot do what you once did.
Entropy is the only constant in this world.
From the meanest ant, to the wealthiest human, we will all die.
All we can attain is to leave some kind of legacy, something for others to remember and recall us by.

This is what many writers, poets, and artists before me learned.
There is necessity for art in our world so we take the time to appreciate what is beautiful and lovely in our world--to remember that life is beauty.
Even with all the ups and downs, all the messiness embodied here, life is beauty; you can find examples of that METAPHOR in every corner, every river bend, every place you go.
There is beauty in life, and there is beauty in you.

Suburbial Bliss

A late start this morn.
Flapjacks on stove with bacon.
Time for family.

Paria

Paria Paria,
Where have you been?
Always running away from your fears and
Eating any scraps thrown at you.
Her bones are tired, her muscles weak,
There is much more behind little brown eyes than you can possibly imagine.

Paria Paria,
What have you done?
What are the trials you have faced?
Any accomplishments? Any discouragements?
The world is not kind to the low and mean.
There are few comfortable being charitable,
And giving all they have. Even the charity cannot
Drain themselves fully for the aid of the need.

Paria Paria,
Why did you leave?
What caused you to run from the life you were given?
Not enough cats to chase, or sickly scraps to kill the
Stomach twinges?
Was there a master who drank from the bottle too frequently?
The world is cruel and miserable, but we must rise above the misery
And keep sights on the positive and joyous to combat the negative and painful.
We will succeed, but we must be patient.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

These Days (Redux)

We continue to move and worry on the trifles, with
Few moments of the grand themes of life.
What would happen to us if we constantly dwelled
Our thoughts on the big things? Would our minds be pushed
Too hard and break down as the pontoon's Civic engine?

Perhaps this is the reason the persons of this world, nay,
This nation, put their thoughts on the topics that don't matter.
'Tis the easier of the two, and our country loves the
Easier ways (at least these days).

The world is too much with us, that much is true.
The Voices of intelligence knew this too well, and
Saw us traveling the path we have taken and
Continue to drive on. There are few of us left
Who see the world through unclouded eyes;
We live life the proper Romantic way--Balance.

"Keep the Balance" is what my mentors instructed me to do.
We can't stay on one side more than the other,
Otherwise we risk loosing our personal nature and identity;
They would crumble and fall as the statue in David's dream.

Rest and fight equal amounts, and life will be bearable.
We can find those with similar ideas, just as anything worth wile in this world,
We just have to work and persevere though the pain, and the payoff will be sweet.

Keep the balance, and keep your feet moving.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Blood-Apathy Level

(Something I wrote a while ago)

Apathy is in my bloodstream, and it never leaves its home.
My body, the vessel that holds the liquid of not caring,
Allows the apathy to enter through the mouth,
Or, more commonly, through the ocular cavities via
audio-visual insertions
They take you in and never let go.
Always harming your work ethic.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Alone

With my thoughts on the line between sane and insanity,
I live with the remembrance of my aspired one.
The emotions of my pants come and go, but
I still evolve in my identity and personality.

Stay with me electronically; any connection is more desired than none.

Friday, May 23, 2014

Welcome Back

The days are long now.
I awake at the winter's dawn, but the outside's brightness shines full blast through the partially covered window into the boxed room.
The smell of fresh rain storm hits my nose after I step up from bed.
I instinctually walk towards the pot of black caffeine and pour it into my thrift store mug.
The coffee touches my lips and I begin the wake-up process.
However, there is nothing to wake up for today.
There is little to do until the work begins,
So I shall enjoy the vacuum of responsibility while I have it.
Just sit and watch the scattered thunderstorms through the window with the coffee at hand.
Feel the rest and recuperation, and prepare for the coming storm.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Poem for the Dumped

Why? Is the first question that pops into my head.
Why are you doing this?
We restarted, we renewed everything. It was never
Going to feel the same way, of course.
That's what the renewal was going to do.
I was never going to forget the or deny the past, but
We had a present and future to make together.

You are the one, but you didn't let me try.
I wasn't given enough time to try again at the woo,
And discuss how to proceed.
We could have found an answer to the big questions:
Why are relationships hard?
Why does growing up suck?
Can't we still fight it?

I just walked outside on that day, and the clouds tumbled.
Bye bye. Goodbye. I tried.

Monday, April 28, 2014

Thoughts of the Fever

I'm tired, but I cannot sleep,
Exhausted, but can't stay still.
Anxiety has overrun my insides, but I allow it to flourish.
Deep down I am a destinist. Whatever happens, happens, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
The world moves and we cannot stop or control it.
Just allow it to continue moving. And we must
Continue moving on it, with it. Not against it,
That does not work.

The Natural always gets its way to balance out the universe.
And Balance is what we need to keep for ourselves, as well as the Earth.
'Tis our only home and we cannot trash it as the Frat boy does his house.
We must clean and organize our minds as we do our homes, and not
Allow the clutter to gain power over us.
Keep the balance and move along.
That is our purpose and our destiny.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Night at the Apartment

The world is all wrong.
Why do we fight for religions when others don't want to hear the message?
The parents of America don't always praise us, but when they do, it's grand and shows their love of us.
My clan has always given me respect to live my life
And I praise them for that.
I love and respect them all.

I cannot imagine my life without them.  It would be probably be a bit worse.
I love meine fruende and me amigos.
They always aid and support me.

Me without you would be a terrible life.
I thank the deity for my life (I should do it more often).
Please keep on the correct path,
And never let me fall again.

I don't enjoy the stress and anxiety of school, but I look foreword to the career future.

Keep my feet going and my mind thinking.

THANK YOU ALL.
I LOVE YOU


Saturday, March 1, 2014

Rain Is Not Conducive to the Working Day

How do I become productive with pellets of ice falling on my face?
The last straw of my psyche is biking in sleet infested air killing my vision.
I still don't know fully how to reprimand it correctly.
That's what the voice of reason is for and used to help me with.
And now I am supposed to be on my own without a complete preparation of how to be a member of life?
So now I will minimally work and gain the most average record as always.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

One More Night of Lap Sessions

I miss her so, and I desperately want to be back in her arms.
Life never works the way one plans or wants it to;
It makes its own plans.
To just be friends, better in theory than practiced,
Will not be what I want.

I lie awake and alone, in bed, and dream of her
Lying next to me, cuddling me.  I can see her there sometimes,
And I weep joyfully. Then my eyes are open, again.

Some pasts we long to and hold them tight, some we
Don't even acknowledge, and then
Others, we see them, and comprehend them, but rarely
Bring them out of the basement.

The basement. I am still frightened to go to some
Corners in that dark underground abyss.
Why have I not honestly dusted down here and
Let my creatures come out for a picnic?

Why can't we be honest? Why do we keep so much pain
Stuffed in boxes down stairs?  Why can't we share them?
Because the social norms claim it not polite; to never
Open them and always keep them hidden because others
Don't want to see the nastiness.
Just let them fester into a mental illness.

Life will never let these monsters be thrown by the wayside,
And shipped to a dump.
Even though they are thrown away,
They still are.

Where is the Speaker of the Truth? Where is the Voice of Wisdom?  Where is the Knower of All?
That ole hermit who can teach us what to do.

If this is progressing, why do I still feel like crap?

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Patience & ID

Impatient man, wait.  Wait!
Learn to sit still and meditate.
Sit and listen to the Earth
And listen and look for God.
Both are beautiful and require appreciation.

Take it from me, rash decisions
And forcing actions to occur just leave you
With regret and a strong foulness in the air.

Never ignore who you are and try
Not to loose your identity,
It's the only one you are given.
If you do by chance loose it or give it away,
You'll be forced to wear a mask
The rest of your life.

They are generally uncomfortable.

Life is a Mess

Life is a mess.
So much anxiety and stress.
Damaged goods and two tons of baggage,
Hate, evil, harmful nature--We embody these aspects
With all other mental illnesses we carry.
I have handed out so much hurt in the past
That it seems to be my natural process with persons.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Kafkaesque Relations with Women

Awkward and never know what to say on a date?
That's me,
never know what to say, and when something does come out, it's usually the unknown: strange, cryptic, or off putting.
I like to blame cell phones and internet chat rooms.  Maybe playing too many video games during childhood.
The truth is I lack certain social skills with women
And like all my weaknesses, I just let them wane even further down the pit with no hope for improvement.
Maybe I want to live in an abyss full of loneliness and remorse.  Always thinking, Why didn't I work harder or live better or do something different.
I really thought I stopped concerning about the Past.

Fuck You Kakfa

I awoke in a pool of melancholy and allowed myself to drown in it.

I never saw the sunshine,
Just dark apathy and depression
Encompassing my total being.

The world is a cruel place for the weaklings,
So why can't I improve myself: my body, my mind, my soul, & my emotions.
I use the words awkward and Kafkaesque too liberally
That I can't think up better words to describe the cure of my illness.

There is no more independent thought
In the abyss that is my mind.

So how does one make an acurate rebirth?
Cocooning oneself as a meditation practice and pray alone.
There are no good thoughts left,
I fall in and out of love as the pendulum swings.
My social community group has promoted independence so much
No one truly desires to work cooperatively again.

These Days

To truly harm and discomfort someone,
To destroy, nay murder, a newly planted seed of love is true evil.
The devil slept in my bed one night
And I will never forget the feeling of guilt and remorse.
My internal sobbing eyes and swelling cheeks are
The constant reminder of the evil I embody.

So many of us are capable of this evil,
It stays dormant in some and burning brightly in others,
But it lives there, inside of all of us, slowly killing off the small parts that make us who we are
In order to leave nothing but an empty shell for the fire to fully embody and flourish.

one thing, many faces
it shines itself here and there,
And some feed the cravings it asks for.

The world of religion says fight the evil, you have the will to,
But this thing can find the weakest of the chains and will cause the rest to crumble and fall,
dragging them all down with a death grip of strength attached to the foot,
Pull.
You can't fully destroy it.  You can't fight it.
It finds all and every way to tempt and crucify you in totality.

one thing, many faces,
there is nothing it can't and wont do
To gain its unsettling and dark goal.

I embody this thing, this evil,
And it will never leave,
There will always be some part of it in me and that disgusts and disheartens me.

Through talking and acting, maybe there is a way to dull it down to it's most minimum size
And portray the true and good person I am.