Post Battle Analysis

The ghost of the e-girls still haunt my habits.
"I'm feeling fine for the time" runs through my head robotically,
Claiming those claims we are all supposed to say.

The financial planner, in the back of the mind,
Gives an oral presentation with handouts and graphs showing
The quarterly plan from the impulse influence.

Hoping the meeting would bring on physical pain
To force me to be fully aware of how my consequences conspired against me,
And killed the original banker's plan for frugality.

Perhaps being thrown back into the cubical can
Squash the semi-detrimental desire I can't keep justifying.
Maybe it's fine, maybe it's not.

Addiction to Distraction Disorder

Loose focus on the importance.
Don't be patience,
Just change the channels quickly--there's nothing good on anyway.

Pace yourself back and forth, to-and-fro around the room
To keep your heart rate up.
Play and replay massive amounts of action-packed video games
To give yourself an impulsive character about you.

Battery levels are low,
The coffee's effect is waning.
Recharge or just let the power run out completely to a dark, blank screen?

Returners & Stayers

When they go back to the place they came from,
Why do those here still miss and morn them?
They are at peace and in no pain.
The pain and emotions stay with us still here,
As if passed down like an heirloom.

Transform and transfer those feelings back into memories
Of the passed on people.
Continue to live on for them, or as them,
And possibly with them, listening to their
Messages of love and wisdom in whichever
Means of communication form they like to use.

Keep your ears open for listening to all,
Keep the feet walking,
Keep the mind wondering.

You are loved by the ones who created and molded you into the person you are today.

Poetry in Thoughts

The hawk flies away and will be fine; finally left alone and safe.
Yet, why are the helping agents the ones in trouble? Can the eyes
Of the law not see their will, their actions?
Do the ends truly justify the means?

Calm and peace, with a side order of salad to go. Sipping
Tea softly and saying the words you were told to memorize as a child
One at a time, as if a spoken word version of a famous rap song.
There are commas everywhere.

------

Scene change to a desert,
Another hipster place for half-ass meditation.
Snowfall and anticipation don't mix as well as you'd think.
It would be a terrible drink,
But good for short-term memory loss.

And there I was,
Citing 3 advantages about firewalls.

I am a half-punk doofus.

------

The longer time moves on, the further
Away the past is on my mind. Always forgetting
Or never remembering with the purpose to avoid the tears.

I never want to listen to the advice of those promoting
Discipline and Structure.
I'd call them overrated, as a joke.
But even jokes come from a significant amount of truth.
Pious or hedonistic take your pick because the world says living in the middle can't be a choice.
But I've never been one who listens to the voice of reason or popular demand.

Will I always be torn between the light and the dark? -paraphrase of K.R.

You have to travel to the past occasionally to remember where you've been.
As painful as that is for me, it keeps me balanced when I run too far to one side or the other of the
Mandala.

The Blonde's Album #4

Much Later On,
On the dark side of the street,
A small glimmer of sun shines on my face.
A spark of epiphany and realization on the past enters
Giving me what I need after countless months of uncomforted sitting.
Finally, some more clarity came to me and a much needed moment of personal history.

Onward/Forward,
With a remembrance of the past,
The voice of my youth returned in archaic form.
Telling me, encouraging me, aiding me in my progress.
Even he went through the same experience, and his voice comforts
Me when I hear and know that. A nice reminder that we are all the same at the core.
And we all have the energy, the know how, and the drive to change the ways of the past for a better tomorrow.

Sunday Afternoon Mediation

It's so easy to fall into the routine and forgot to reflect on the day.
I forget the patience I gained and the development I've grown through on a daily basis during the long year, while
Letting the trifles and time wasting acts take over the day's hours.

But when I let go of the world, that I fall way too deep in, I can feel the past connections I had and begin to truly meditate on my basement the young cheetahs fear to scan and survey.
More clarity will come, more than that has already arrived.

Reflection To My Social Community

How does one truly tell their community they changed with their actions? Since I've been muted from their conversations, there is little to none attention given to me, even the necessary ones.

Reflection does not always do the trick.
I can't see if having porch time with poetry or
Christian/Buddhist devotions will lead to survival and success of the spirit,
But it doesn't take a genius to claim I mucked up some aspects due to
Not fully understanding my identity.

During the quarter life crisis era, I did what one would expect:
Dated a 19 year old, tried new drugs, bought a Ford Bronco, learned to skydive with no fear.
But examining the life I lead until now, led me to lethargic Sundays
Spending the day in front of a screen to burn out my eyes and delay my brain to focus on the
Importance. Epiphany never comes in as a rushing river, with thought after thought, but only a drip at a time. I hate this most, but you can't learn everything all at once. Time, Patience, Energy, and Work to gain the final goal.

Where else can I gain the support and love I once had?  To not only gain, but give it back Reciprocally.
Love them as they loved me.
Patience, Obi-Wan once said to my naive young mind,
But I never became fully patient. Always wanting to look foreword to the horizon when I paid no Attention to the present.  Always wanted to be the Force carrier and user without the training Required.
Please don't give up on me Father.
Keep my feet moving,
Keep my mind wandering,
Keep my eyes seeing, and
My hands helping.

I'll always be the Johnny Cash, to my June Carter.
The Vader to my Padme.
Her fearing me, and I constantly ignoring her teaching me the error of my way,
And never noticed or appreciated till later,
And there lies the tragedy of my life.
Never one to take heed of the lessons I experience of the classroom LIFE.

We all still deserve love and forgiveness, as long as we know what is expected of us to do with that gift.